I think it’s safe to say that we all have things we hold onto in life, whether we know it or not; experiences, painful situations, life changing moments, hurtful words, remorse for our actions, and the list goes on.
Well, this is a story of a rock. A rock I’ve been holding onto for a long time.
At age 6, I knew I wanted to be a writer. It was my passion to write stories of all kinds; short, long, funny, sad, scary, and exciting. Mine were stories of beings from all walks of life, and all swims of life, as I was head over heels inspired by dolphins and whales.
My writing was acknowledged by a variety of people and I was encouraged to keep pressing forward to reach for my dream of one day having my books published.
I felt like I had something to offer, and that soon became just another piece of my imagination.
At age 10, I felt a sense of pride in my writing that was strong and confident enough to share with the world. My grade five substitute teacher, at the time, was my reader of choice. And oh how quickly did I regret showing him the one thing in my life that gave me permission to feel good about myself.
Ten years old, sixteen pages written and my passions glowing at my fingertips, I stepped forward and put my dreams into another’s hands.
As he sat there scanning over my work, telling me I would never be a writer at this rate, and that 16 pages wasn’t near good enough to even begin to consider a writing career, I could see him energetically tearing up my hope right in front of my eyes.
In real life, my pieces of paper were intact, but their essence had been drained, stripped from my pen and paper and STOLEN by a man I had once felt respect for.
As he disgustedly gave me back my papers, I felt him hand me something else as well; FEAR, SHAME, GUILT, A LACK OF SELF-WORTH, EMBARRASSMENT, and everything else that shatters your dreams and blocks you from expressing your True Self.
This is the rock I have been travelling with since then. For a long time, I held this rock in the pit of my stomach, where I now hold my confidence, belief in myself and strong sense of self-worth.
This rock took up a lot of space, as it grew each time my writing was affirmed as NOT GOOD ENOUGH. It grew so big that it actually blocked my ability to put words on paper in a way that felt fulfilling to me anymore.
Over the past five years, through my healing journey, I have chipped away at what had become a boulder and recently removed it from the center of my being ENTIRELY. I now trust in the deep knowing in myself that I have a gift to give through my writing and the only person holding me back was me. I had let him take my Power and hand me his non-serving thoughts and emotions. Yes, if I had been a child with healthy boundaries I could have been stronger and not held onto his pain as long as I did. However, as a Highly Sensitive child, my needs for support and lessons in boundary setting were misunderstood and dismissed. This might sound strange, but I am grateful for this experience. If I hadn’t been misunderstood, I wouldn’t be here now to help you support your children and yourself.
It wasn’t until today, with the help from a good friend, that I realized I was still holding onto that rock. It came time to let it go. She SAW me and asked, “What are you holding there?” I looked down into my hand and said, “Oh you know, just a rock, but the story doesn’t have me anymore”. She wonders out loud, “What does it represent to you?” and I respond with, “Shame, embarrassment, not being good enough. Quite honestly, someone else’s SHIT!” She looks at me with compassionate curiosity and asks, “So, why are you still holding onto it?”
“I don’t know”.
“You know you can put it down right?”
“Oh, wow. I never really thought of that”.
My arm winds back and I throw it, far away from me and into the ocean. Releasing that fear of not being good enough is an experience of strength as I feel the waves envelop it and transform it into my personal Power.
And this got me thinking; how many children, highly sensitive or not, have experienced a situation like this? How many of us have taken on something that didn’t belong to us? An emotion or fear that was inconsistent to our True Self and that was pushed on us by someone unwilling to own it within themselves. How many of these rocks are you still holding? And what are you ready to release?
So here I am now, writing this letter to you all and letting you know that you are not alone. It is time to let go of the pains imposed on you by others in your life that they were unwilling to explore themselves. And this piece of writing is just the beginning of the journey we will embark on to help you do just that, as well as teach you tools necessary to support yourself AND your children in a way that gives space for each person to THRIVE.
In next week’s blog, we will take an adventure into the wonderful world of boundaries, and talk about the parallel importance between our physical AND energetic bodies.
Thank you for investing this time in yourselves and for being open to the words on this page. These are all based on my work as a Coach for Parents of Highly Intuitive Children.
If you feel drawn to learn more, please don’t hesitate to reach out and book yourself a complimentary 30 minute Expansion Session with me, HERE.