The Impact of Criticism on HSPs
Criticism, shame, blame... some people might deem these necessary ways to interact with others when feeling challenged.
However, this is the least effective way to communicate your feelings to a HSP, and let me tell you why... Not only do we hear the words you use, but we can feel the energy and emotion behind those words. Oftentimes, shame and blame are being used because it feels challenging for you to look at yourself, giving yourself and others the compassion necessary to create healthy boundaries. Instead, criticism comes in, and the power play is made, pointing the finger and wanting someone to take all responsibility for a situation.
Regardless of a situation, each person has 100% responsibility for THEIR experience and actions. In this mature interaction, there is no longer any room for the "I only did this because you did that", the, "YOU made ME feel this way", or my most (read: least) favorite, "You started it". Self-responsible/non-blaming is the ideal, but not often the reality. Instead, fingers get pointed, shame is introduced and blame is put on one person, starting the power play.
The reason this is so hard on HSP's is because we already struggle with not taking responsibility for everything and everyone. We have been hardwired to try and fix all situations, taking on other's pain, because we can feel it surrounding us whether it is our or not.
When you shame us, there is likely a part of us that already believes part of what you are saying to be true, and if not, we allow you to plant that seed in our minds. It becomes a place of doubt inside of us, and we deserve better than that. We are working hard to give ourselves better than that.
Yes, we absolutely do need to take responsibility for our experience as well, and that means developing strong boundaries and confidence within ourselves so we don't take those things on. But that doesn't make reverting to shame, blame and criticism ok, just because it's more comfortable for you, (and I speak to ALL of us, because I know we've each done it). A question for us all, how do you feel taking personal responsibility could transform your daily interactions?