I have never been the kind of person to thrive off of someone cutting me down.
Physical bootcamps were never my thing. Similarly, emotional and spiritual bootcamps, also not my thing.
Intensives, I love. I am great at putting myself into the situation and allowing myself to go deep in a short period of time. That depth doesn't scare me.
That depth does not intimidate me.
That depth is what allows me to thrive.
When somebody tells you that you should be doing something different. You aren't good enouogh for what you're doing. You're lazy. What do you DO all day? Those are the kind of things that don't motivate me, they devalue me.
They tell me that I don't know how to go deep in a short period of time. They tell me, that in order to be accepted, I have to conform. They tell me that the ONLY way to be worthy and loved is if I sacrifice my personal comfort and integrity to follow the rules of somebody else. That will never be me.
I chose a life of being an entrepreneur because I knew that I wanted MORE. I wanted more depth, less surface. More connection, less surface. More freedom, less surface.
If you are in the situation of somebody judging you for the life that you have chosen for yourself, those are not your people.
Now I am not saying rewrite your entire life, get rid of everybody who doesn't understand, isolate yourself to your office and never come out because people might not "get you".
What I am saying though is do not let those people, and their words, rewrite the story that you have created for yourself. Do not let their words and their fears rewrite what you know is possible for you.
Everything that you want, everything that's calling for you, everything that keeps showing up in your life begging for you to embrace it, that's no mistake. That didn't just show up one day because you thought it would be cool not to work a 9 to 5, because you're lazy, and you don't actually feel like doing anything on a day to day basis.
Those desires, that passion, that's your purpose, that is your mission, this is why you are here. This is no mistake. YOU are no mistake. Your desires are NO MISTAKE. Your business is no mistake. This is why you are here.
To change the world, and that starts with changing the world inside of you and changing the world around you. That starts with rising up EVERY time that somebody says one of those things to you. Every time that they question your work ethic, or your motivation, or your dedication to living life as a "perfectly correct citizen".
Whatever it is that they are questioning inside of you, they're questioning inside of themselves. Why don't they have that? Why haven't they listened to that? Why are you able to do it and they weren't?
These aren't conscious thoughts that they have, these are fears. These are fears that they are going to live a life that doesn't mean anything.
And I don't honestly believe that ANY life could not mean anything. But any of us who know that we are here for something bigger know that when we are living a life on the SURFACE, we are not living a life of PURPOSE.
So today, instead of allowing myself to be taken down by the words of somebody who does not understand, or even attempt to understand what I do, and how I show up in the world, and how this business is not just a business, it is a lifestyle...
This is my mission.
This is how I change the world.
Instead of allowing the words of that fearful person to take away my motivation and my dedication to this, my integrity, I am choosing to believe in myself. And to believe in you, and to believe in us together, and to believe in the collective, and to believe in the world as a whole.
Each of us plays a part. Each of us is here to stir something up in the other person to get them thinking, "what could I do differently?"
Well, what I can do differently today is believe in myself. What I can do differently today is BELIEVE in MYSELF.
So, that's what I'm gonna do.
What are you going to do today?
I challenge people. And I imagine you challenge people too. The truth of the matter is that we ALL challenge each other, it's what we are here for. To bring to light the shadows and opportunities for growth. To expand our awareness. To look at the things we avoid in order to rise above them and create BIG change.
Here's where sensitives stand out...
We don't challenge in small ways. .
We are mirrors for some of the hardest things inside people, yet we do our best to do this with gentleness. .
We often carry Owl medicine in that we have keen awareness and insight into the inner workings of others to a depth they may not have admitted within. (Truth, I used to feel like a real egomaniac saying that but I'm tired of not honoring my gifts) .
And, to follow my side note above, we can sometimes lack awareness about our gifts, leaving us feeling misunderstood, isolated and a burden to others. .
I'm tired of watching sensitives beat themselves up and get stuck in victim mentality. I'm tired of being witness to brilliantly gifted humans neglecting themselves and their abilities because they don't know how to harness them in empowered ways. I'm tired of feeling like I have an answer to a problem but not helping as many people as I know I'm capable of...
So I'm standing up to be seen, letting you know I am here, and ready to brave the shadows to guide you to the part inside yourself where you keep all the answers. .
I'm not afraid of depth. What I am afraid of is hiding my own gifts and not supporting you in sharing yours with the world. .
Let's create great change together! Sign up HERE for a free Self-Expression Session with me and let's gain some clarity on how this work could change your life.
My partner and I did our good deed of the day down at the Nanaimo Bathtub Races. Showing up late to the party, but hearing there was still one last racer out on the water, we practiced patience and hung out in the shade so we could be part of the small group cheering him on when he made it to land.
Sometimes, we can get discouraged when our growth takes longer than we anticipated. Especially as HSPs, because we have such clear visions for where we want to go.
But remember this, regardless of where you are on the journey, or how long it takes you, there are always people cheering for you.
Even when you arrive at your goal, and run up to ring the bell letting everyone know you made it, that is only part of the process.
In this one racer's case, he was so far past entry time that they had taken down the finish line stage. And it got me thinking... we may arrive at our goal, but the journey doesn't stop there.
By the look on his face, I could tell his adventure had just begun. No finish line needed.
Today I'm feeling grateful for knitted grandma slippers, kind humans who jump in to help as soon as they hear you're not feeling well, and a dreamy partner who takes care of me, rising above my stubbornness with even more of his own, making me finally back down and give in to resting. #battlecry
As highly sensitive people, it can be a great challenge to practice self care instead of being the one who is doing everything for everyone. However, when we push ourselves to do it all, we burn out, ending up depleted, and with nothing left to give anyway.
Remember this: You are enough.
Let that sink in a moment. YOU are ENOUGH.
Just by being alive, you ARE enough.
You don't have to do, or be, or change anything about yourself to be enough. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone. You don't owe someone because they took care of you. You are worthy of being looked after with the same care that you give others. And...YOUUU. ARE. ENOUGH.
"Unless you actively embrace your issues, you cannot reclaim your spirit's energy. Half the battle is won through the warrior's willingness to acknowledge and accept the whole truth at all times." - Medicine Cards by Jamie Sams and David Carson. .
Wild Boar showed up today, to speak to the sensitives and reminding us that in order to confront what frightens us outside ourselves, we must first confront the fears within. .
As sensitives and empaths, we can tend towards absorbing the thoughts and judgements put on us by others. However, no-one is so powerful that they can make us believe anything about ourselves unless we allow them. .
Wild Boar medicine teaches us to take those triggers and weaknesses and acknowledge them as our strengths. In the work I do with my clients, we are constantly looking to reclaim the wild parts of ourselves that others tried to tame, turning those "burdens" into gifts, and acknowledging the superpowers we were born into this world with. .
Because not only were you gifted those powers for a reason, the world needs you to express them as your full authentic self in order to create the big change you've been called to. .
For those of you feeling inspired to step into the warrior energy and reclaim your whole truth, I would be honored to support you. I invite you to schedule a freeSelf-Expression Session HERE with me to get an idea how I work and see if we are a good fit.
The Impact of Criticism on HSPs
Criticism, shame, blame... some people might deem these necessary ways to interact with others when feeling challenged.
However, this is the least effective way to communicate your feelings to a HSP, and let me tell you why... Not only do we hear the words you use, but we can feel the energy and emotion behind those words. Oftentimes, shame and blame are being used because it feels challenging for you to look at yourself, giving yourself and others the compassion necessary to create healthy boundaries. Instead, criticism comes in, and the power play is made, pointing the finger and wanting someone to take all responsibility for a situation.
Regardless of a situation, each person has 100% responsibility for THEIR experience and actions. In this mature interaction, there is no longer any room for the "I only did this because you did that", the, "YOU made ME feel this way", or my most (read: least) favorite, "You started it". Self-responsible/non-blaming is the ideal, but not often the reality. Instead, fingers get pointed, shame is introduced and blame is put on one person, starting the power play.
The reason this is so hard on HSP's is because we already struggle with not taking responsibility for everything and everyone. We have been hardwired to try and fix all situations, taking on other's pain, because we can feel it surrounding us whether it is our or not.
When you shame us, there is likely a part of us that already believes part of what you are saying to be true, and if not, we allow you to plant that seed in our minds. It becomes a place of doubt inside of us, and we deserve better than that. We are working hard to give ourselves better than that.
Yes, we absolutely do need to take responsibility for our experience as well, and that means developing strong boundaries and confidence within ourselves so we don't take those things on. But that doesn't make reverting to shame, blame and criticism ok, just because it's more comfortable for you, (and I speak to ALL of us, because I know we've each done it). A question for us all, how do you feel taking personal responsibility could transform your daily interactions?
The Importance of Compassion when Connecting with HSP's
Compassion is, in my opinion, one thing that we could ALL use a little bit more of in our lives. And in relationships with HSP's, well, it's a downright necessity.
As Highly Sensitive people, we thrive when we can meet, and be met, with a level of compassion that many people are not sure how to do just yet. Which, in and of itself, is actually a great thing.
Why? You might ask. Well, let's look at it this way, often times, when people do not know how to do something, but it is important to the survival of a connection, they will make the effort to learn it in order to maintain said connection, if indeed it is important enough to them.
So, we go from having a bunch of humans walking around in the world not knowing how to act compassionately, to actively learning how to best do this so they can grow together... Pretty cool, right?
The next piece about the importance of compassion is that it is inevitable that things are going to come up for both people in the relationship. A HSP is going to be challenged to find a mode of communication that supports the potentially more logical, to the point, approach of who they are in relationship with (partner, coworker, family, etc), which can bring up feelings of not being able to be themselves, fear of shutting down, not feeling heard, and so on.
Whereas, the non-HSP can feel challenged by the request/invitation to go deeper into their feelings and express more emotions. This can leave them uncomfortable, like the HSP is asking them to change who they are, and like they aren't ever enough for the other person.
By holding each other in compassion, rather than reverting to defensive modes and assuming attack, we can see where the other person is being challenged and can honor all of who they are. This makes it sooo much easier to move forward in growth, as individuals, and together.
Where in your life do you feel compassion could be a game changer?
Reasons to Love a HSP
Someone reading my post about “3 Tips to Loving a HSP”, may have thought, “What's in it for me? If I have to deal with their sensitivities making me uncomfortable, then what do I get out of it?” If that was you, this is the part to stop reading. Because you are exactly the wrong person to be in a relationship with a HSP. (or perhaps anyone, for that matter). On the flip side, if you recognize the magic in your HSP relationships, and want to learn more about their gifts, and the way they impact your life, please, carry on...
The number one reason to love a HSP is...
1. Because you do! You love ALL of them. No, not every single HSP in the world, what I mean is that you love the HSP's in your life because of the fullness of who they are. You recognize that their depth of kindness wouldn't be possible without their ability to feel ALL the emotions at that depth. You loving them fully doesn't mean they never challenge (or annoy) you, but you don't just love parts of them, you love them as a whole.
Now that we've got that down, reasons to love a HSP can now transform into:
Reasons Loving a HSP is Awesome!
And the list goes like so:
1. They are wildly considerate.
2. They know your potential are your greatest cheerleader as you work towards your goals.
3. They are incredibly patient, (with everyone but themselves).
4. They are weird and quirky. Once they open up to you, you'll never stop laughing.
5. They see you, and will challenge you to grow into the fullest expression of yourself.
6. They will care for you with their whole heart, and they love to do it, so let them. Don't expect it from them without any appreciation though, because they are extremely rebellious and can't stand obligation or expectation.
7. They find so much joy in the little things.
That's just the beginning! HSPs are amazing friends, coworkers, partners and all around humans because they are dedicated to changing the world, and they start at home by looking out for your needs and doing what they can to support you. Just be sure not to take advantage of that, and do your best to remind them when they have forgotten, that they are important too.
I might be a lot, but I am never yours to take.
Curiosity has sparked, and I am certain I am not the only Highly Sensitive person who has experienced this... We are in relationship (with friends, partner, family, coworkers, etc), getting comfortable, being more ourselves, and we hear the dreaded, “You're a lot to take”. It's that heart crushing moment when someone in your life tells you that you are simultaneously “too much” yet “not enough”. Many times I've experienced this moment. It comes at the peak of my vulnerability, just as I've nestled myself into a comfy place between sharing my heart & soul, and being honest about the big emotions I struggle to embrace, each day.
But pay close attention to their words and notice a monumental flaw in that sentence... “You're a lot TO TAKE”. Who said I am yours to take? Who gave you the idea that I was anything other than my own person. Highly Sensitive, yes. Feels on a big scale, and to a level some people might describe by using the words “a lot”, absolutely. But never am I here to be taken.
If I give you my energy, presence and time, consider it a gift. Use the words “a lot” to describe how much I care, how excited I get about little things, how much beauty I see in the world, how deeply I laugh, the amount I care for the people around me (aka. The WORLD!) Know that with my “a lot – ness”, aka my BIGNESS, comes the depth of the shadow emotions as well. I will feel sadness, and express it in a way you may not understand. I can feel the pain of the world around me, and I may request some comfort, or some time to comfort myself.
If my bigness scares you, know that I don't think any less of you. I respect you just the same, and would appreciate that same consideration. If my bigness makes you uncomfortable, that's not permission to beat me up with judgement, but an invitation to retreat to your comfort zone.
Do that with respect and I will respect you with all the depth that my bigness allows. And THAT is A LOT.
However, if you're ready to step outside the comfort zone, exploring your own bigness, then I will meet you, happily, and will guide you to the place within that knows no bounds.
How to Love a Highly Sensitive Person
Did you know, each of us knows at least one Highly Sensitive person in our immediate world? One out of every 5 people are Highly Sensitive, which means 20% of the population experiences the world with heightened sensitivity, strong emotions, and a level of awareness that would blow your socks off.
Yet, many HSPs struggle to get their needs met in relationships, and are challenged by relationships that deem them "too sensitive", "not laid back enough", and "over emotional.
Here's something though... You care. You're reading this, learnig how best to support the Highly Sensitive people in your life, and I admire you for that.
It took me a long time to condense this to only 3 tips, but here are three that are absolutely crucial to loving and respecting an HSP.
1. PRACTICE COMPASSION: for the HSPs in your life AND yourself! It's no surprise that this is challenging. HSPs show up 100%, unafraid of sharing the true depth of their emotions, and asking others to do the same. This can be tough, and downright terrifying for even the strongest of people. Practicing compassion means looking at everything that is coming up for the both of you, honoring those experiences and doing your part to make space for the supportive connection to take place. (Notice I didn't say BOTH parts! You're only responsible for you).
2. CHECK THE CRITICISM AT THE DOOR: Trust me, we've tried our very best not to be this sensitive. It doesn't work. It's not how we are wired, and THAT IS OK! So, any attempts to tell us to "toughen up", or "grow a thicker skin", are a waste of your time and ours. Instead, talk to us from a place of love. Share your concerns, ask for what you need, and trust us to care enough about you that we will find a way to offer that to you. But leave the shame and blame out of it.
3. LISTEN: You may not always understand why they are crying about how intelligent elephants are (true story, happened to me), but hear them out. Let them know that you are present, their experience matters to you, and get curious. There is no better feeling to a HSP than when you make the effort to understand them.
HSPs what would you add to the list?